I originally prepared this memoir talking about a friend who is 101 years old. He is my inspiration for living a rich, reflective and to a degree, risk-taking life.
In planning to use him as my example, I think I was hiding the uncertainties and ambivalences I am presently experiencing. As an alternative to talking about him, which can be done at another time, I am driven to be more authentic.
I first visited Benalla in November last year. I had walked one block from the railway station and was enchanted by two murals, a young boy with rainbow hair and a tall Rabbit on the corner of Benalla and Carrier Streets. I knew then that Benalla was where I wanted to live. I love and have grown a variety of roses. I am attracted to the warmth and friendliness of a city that feels in many ways like a country town. I am very grateful for the wisdom and succor of U3A and making tentative steps to renewing a relationship with the Uniting Church.
A few years ago, I wrote a family history based upon the lives of the fifteen individuals and families who, for a wide variety of reasons, left England, Scotland, Ireland and Denmark and came to NSW. I prefaced my history with a quote from a Nobel prize winning author, Andre Gide:
‘You cannot discover new oceans unless you first lose sight of the shore.’
A third of my ancestors had no choice in leaving the shore. They were convicts.
Another third arrived on these shores as a result of economic necessity.
The final third came seeking opportunities to create a more prosperous life.
Leaving Tathra on the southern coast of NSW, I have literally left the shore perhaps looking for an inland sea.
Right here, right now! I am interrupted by an email from cherished friend:
‘Looking forward to discussions about what we run toward and what we leave behind’:
Oh, oh! Here is the challenge.
My ancestors left much behind. Most left family never to see again. One left a young child too small for the journey with a single dad and his three other daughters. One, a convict in his late thirties, left a wife and children, whom family researchers until recently knew nothing about.
But some also were running from - poverty, lack of employment opportunities, perpetual incarceration and perhaps one or two with a broken heart.
In addition to running towards, I have also run away!
From a toxic environment which diminished self-esteem and which at times raised questions about my own safety.
From a failed relationship which challenges my pride and diminished my ability to give to others.
Right here, right now, I am feeling grateful.
For, at that most difficult time, finding friendships and opportunities for self expression, from which I had turned my back.
For now, a warm house, a lovely garden and a bolt hole which will become a nurturing environment for my growing grandchildren.
For the opportunity to live alone, to take full responsibility for the decisions I make, my good health and an environment nurturing of my expanding skill set, my commitment to sustainable living and my spirituality.
Right here, right now. I say thank you. To you who offer time to hear my stories.
Graham Jensen
August 2022
In planning to use him as my example, I think I was hiding the uncertainties and ambivalences I am presently experiencing. As an alternative to talking about him, which can be done at another time, I am driven to be more authentic.
I first visited Benalla in November last year. I had walked one block from the railway station and was enchanted by two murals, a young boy with rainbow hair and a tall Rabbit on the corner of Benalla and Carrier Streets. I knew then that Benalla was where I wanted to live. I love and have grown a variety of roses. I am attracted to the warmth and friendliness of a city that feels in many ways like a country town. I am very grateful for the wisdom and succor of U3A and making tentative steps to renewing a relationship with the Uniting Church.
A few years ago, I wrote a family history based upon the lives of the fifteen individuals and families who, for a wide variety of reasons, left England, Scotland, Ireland and Denmark and came to NSW. I prefaced my history with a quote from a Nobel prize winning author, Andre Gide:
‘You cannot discover new oceans unless you first lose sight of the shore.’
A third of my ancestors had no choice in leaving the shore. They were convicts.
Another third arrived on these shores as a result of economic necessity.
The final third came seeking opportunities to create a more prosperous life.
Leaving Tathra on the southern coast of NSW, I have literally left the shore perhaps looking for an inland sea.
Right here, right now! I am interrupted by an email from cherished friend:
‘Looking forward to discussions about what we run toward and what we leave behind’:
Oh, oh! Here is the challenge.
My ancestors left much behind. Most left family never to see again. One left a young child too small for the journey with a single dad and his three other daughters. One, a convict in his late thirties, left a wife and children, whom family researchers until recently knew nothing about.
But some also were running from - poverty, lack of employment opportunities, perpetual incarceration and perhaps one or two with a broken heart.
In addition to running towards, I have also run away!
From a toxic environment which diminished self-esteem and which at times raised questions about my own safety.
From a failed relationship which challenges my pride and diminished my ability to give to others.
Right here, right now, I am feeling grateful.
For, at that most difficult time, finding friendships and opportunities for self expression, from which I had turned my back.
For now, a warm house, a lovely garden and a bolt hole which will become a nurturing environment for my growing grandchildren.
For the opportunity to live alone, to take full responsibility for the decisions I make, my good health and an environment nurturing of my expanding skill set, my commitment to sustainable living and my spirituality.
Right here, right now. I say thank you. To you who offer time to hear my stories.
Graham Jensen
August 2022
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