Right here, right now, I am reflective.
 
I was returning from my post operative consultation visit to Royal Melbourne Hospital where, a month previously, I had undergone a two hour procedure to untwist my stomach. Through neglect, my stomach had turned beyond 180 degrees, and 80% of my stomach had been pushed by a hernia, above my diaphragm. This was not where it should have been.
 
After post-op consultation with my surgeon, I decided to take better care of myself by taking a taxi home to my son’s place in Greensborough.
 
The driver, a young Pakistani man and I enjoyed our conversation as he shared with me his family, his trip to Australia and his aspirations and hopes. He then asked me what I did.
 
I greatly surprised myself by saying ‘I pray’. My response startled me for its transparency and vulnerability. The conversation though continued comfortably as if I said something more benign such as, “I care for my grandchildren’ or ‘I read’.
 
Perhaps Muslims are more comfortable sharing their religious practice.
 
********
 
I am now reflecting on the last 10 months, which has been a quite fascinating and an unexpected journey for me from a teacher and political activist, to what others may call, a recluse.
 
Carl Jung suggested that the challenge in the second half of life is to develop personality characteristics, the opposite of our natural disposition. Thus for me this journey involves:

• as an extrovert, developing introversion,
• as an intuitive, developing my sensate skills,
• and as a ‘feeling’ type person, developing my ‘thinking’ skills.

 
At the beginning of the year, through ‘Google magic’ of algorithms, I found myself increasingly being offered material linked to writings of who are often characterized, as mystics.
 
Examples of Christian mysticism were recorded as early as 150 AD and by the mid fourth century were recognised partly as a response to and in opposition to the ‘Christianization’ of the Roman Empire. Christian mysticism was most commonly reflected in the practices of the early monasteries and convents.
 
Mysticism, defined by Wikipedia:
 
 ‘becoming one with God or the Absolute’, but may refer to any kind of ecstasy or altered state of consciousness which is given a religious or spiritual meaning’.
 
As I pursue a journey of contemplative prayer, I discover others on this path.  Muslims, Jews, Sufis, Hindus and Zen Buddhists!  Each offering their unique insights and experiences on this inner journey. 
 
Right here, right now I am remembering an observation that Thomas Merton, a modern day mystic, offered to his novices. Two of the challenges to the contemplative life are cowardliness and laziness. This is unsettling as I uncomfortably acknowledge these characteristics in me.

More recently I read the words of a Muslim mystic who identified two characteristics of the contemplative or spiritual path.

Transparency and vulnerability.

On reflection, perhaps writing our memoirs for ‘As Time Goes By’, invites us along this same path as we explore, with each other, the uniqueness of our individual journeys. 


Graham Jensen
​October 2023​

​I originally prepared this memoir talking about a friend who is 101 years old. He is my inspiration for living a rich, reflective and to a degree, risk-taking life.
 
In planning to use him as my example, I think I was hiding the uncertainties and ambivalences I am presently experiencing. As an alternative to talking about him, which can be done at another time, I am driven to be more authentic.
 
I first visited Benalla in November last year. I had walked one block from the railway station and was enchanted by two murals, a young boy with rainbow hair and a tall Rabbit on the corner of Benalla and Carrier Streets. I knew then that Benalla was where I wanted to live. I love and have grown a variety of roses.  I am attracted to the warmth and friendliness of a city that feels in many ways like a country town. I am very grateful for the wisdom and succor of U3A and making tentative steps to renewing a relationship with the Uniting Church.
 
A few years ago, I wrote a family history based upon the lives of the fifteen individuals and families who, for a wide variety of reasons, left England, Scotland, Ireland and Denmark and came to NSW.  I prefaced my history with a quote from a Nobel prize winning author, Andre Gide:
 
‘You cannot discover new oceans unless you first lose sight of the shore.’
 
A third of my ancestors had no choice in leaving the shore. They were convicts.
Another third arrived on these shores as a result of economic necessity.
The final third came seeking opportunities to create a more prosperous life.
 
Leaving Tathra on the southern coast of NSW, I have literally left the shore perhaps looking for an inland sea.
 
Right here, right now! I am interrupted by an email from cherished friend:
 
‘Looking forward to discussions about what we run toward and what we leave behind’:
 
Oh, oh!  Here is the challenge.

My ancestors left much behind. Most left family never to see again. One left a young child too small for the journey with a single dad and his three other daughters. One, a convict in his late thirties, left a wife and children, whom family researchers until recently knew nothing about.

But some also were running from - poverty, lack of employment opportunities, perpetual incarceration and perhaps one or two with a broken heart.

In addition to running towards, I have also run away!

From a toxic environment which diminished self-esteem and which at times raised questions about my own safety.

From a failed relationship which challenges my pride and diminished my ability to give to others.

Right here, right now, I am feeling grateful.

For, at that most difficult time, finding friendships and opportunities for self expression, from which I had turned my back.

For now, a warm house, a lovely garden and a bolt hole which will become a nurturing environment for my growing grandchildren.

For the opportunity to live alone, to take full responsibility for the decisions I make, my good health and an environment nurturing of my expanding skill set, my commitment to sustainable living and my spirituality.

Right here, right now. I say thank you. To you who offer time to hear my stories.
 
Graham Jensen
August 2022