I wasn’t planning to write on the topic ‘Cringe’, but decided to do so when woke up just now, realizing I was still ‘cringeing’.
What was I cringeing about you might ask? Well, it has to do with yesterday’s ‘Writing Workshop’. It wasn’t really what David said about my overuse of the word ‘little’(which was true!), or that no one else commented on my bed time story. It was about the fact that this mattered to me!
I’ve woken up with new empathy for creative people who expose creative works which matter to them to the opinion of others, works often years in the making. ‘The Little Black Wallaby’ bedside story mattered to me – I felt happy while writing it; looked forward to getting back to it and found myself smiling as I thought of something to add to it. I enjoyed researching wallabies in North East Victoria; looking for images of a wallaby; driving out to ‘O’Dea Road’ to take some photographs at Dr Henry’s Gully. Writing this story drew on happy moments in my childhood; it was enjoyable crafting it. And no one said anything!
The fact that once again I had written well over the 500 word limit also proved cringe worthy yesterday! Everyone else seems to have written within 500 words at least once, and Carole has done so on all but one occasion. I cringe because I’m embarrassed. A divergent rather than convergent thinker, It has always been an effort for me to compress my thoughts. I’ve experienced many cringe worthy moments related to this in my life. A particularly memorable example… a doctor once described me in a referral as a ‘verbose historian’…(triple cringe!)
Clearly David was quite right about my overusing ‘little’ . Still cringeing, I’ve counted – 24! And 969 words!
So, ego seems to have a strong relationship to ‘cringeing’! Values do too. I cringe when things which matter to me aren’t valued by others. I became quite familiar with cringeing every time Tony Abbott made a ‘captain’s call’ which conflicted with my values; I chronically cringe about the dreadful treatment of refugees on Nauru and Manus Island because my citizenship of this country implicates me in it.
Cricket mattered to Godfrey; politics mattered to Carole. Having people enjoy my bedtime story mattered.. to me!
Perhaps I have achieved something meaningful from this latest cringeing episode, not just to please others, but because doing so matters to me! I have only used ‘little’ four times in this story, and at last count, have written -- 480 words!